Helping Anxious Teens Without Changing Them

As a therapist who works closely with families struggling with anxiety, I often hear a familiar question from parents: “What can I do to help my child stop feeling so anxious?” It’s a tough one, and the answer might surprise you.

Traditionally, treatments for childhood anxiety have focused directly on the child—teaching them coping skills, relaxation techniques, or other strategies to help them “face their fears.” But what happens when a child isn’t ready to engage in therapy? Or when parents feel helpless, watching their child suffer from the sidelines?

This is where SPACE comes in—a groundbreaking parent-based program developed by Dr. Eli Lebowitz at the Yale Child Study Center. I was lucky enough to participate in training with Dr. Lebowitz and have been able to witness firsthand how this approach can shift family dynamics in powerful ways, without requiring children to change before they’re ready.

So what is SPACE anyway? 

Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) is a parent-focused intervention designed to help reduce childhood and adolescent anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Unlike traditional models that work directly with the child, SPACE focuses solely on coaching parents in how to respond to their child’s anxiety in more supportive (and less accommodating) ways. So often when I’ve worked with parents whose teens are struggling with anxiety they feel helpless and SPACE gives them a role that’s active, compassionate and effective. 

One of the key concepts in SPACE is accommodation, which is essentially the ways parents (with the best of intentions) change behavior to help their child avoid feeling anxious. I explain this to parents by saying “anything you would do differently because of your child’s anxiety” That might look like:

• Constantly providing reassurance to your 11-year-old that nothing bad will happen

• Letting your 15-year-old stay home from school when they feel anxious (group project days, exam days, etc.)

• Telling your 9th grader you’ll pick them up after 1st block if they still feel anxious

• Giving your child an anti-nausea medication when they say, “but I’m worried I’ll throw up!”

While these accommodations provide short-term relief for your kiddo (and, let’s be honest, usually feel good, supportive or helpful as a parent), what actually happens is that it reinforces a child’s anxiety in the long run. The more a child relies on you, their parent, to make things better for them by accommodating their worry, the more they NEED these accommodations to feel okay. 

What I love about the SPACE approach is that it’s not about making everything comfortable for our kids, but it is also not about throwing them into distress without support or empathy. A core principle of SPACE is the balance between support and non-accommodation.  By supporting parents in reducing their own accommodations gradually and with empathy, we send the message to our teens: “I know this is hard for you, and I believe you can handle it.” 

This message is incredibly powerful. It validates the child’s feelings and communicates confidence in their ability to cope. That’s how resilience is built.

What Happens in a SPACE Program?

In therapy, I guide parents through the SPACE process by:

1. Identifying accommodations in their daily routine

2. Choosing one behavior to focus on reducing

3. Creating a supportive statement to explain the change to their child

4. Responding consistently with support rather than avoidance

5. Managing their own emotional reactions to their child’s distress

Progress often happens gradually, and yes—it’s hard. Kids may protest, and anxiety might spike before it improves. But over time, children begin to adapt. They start relying more on their own coping abilities than on parental accommodations.

Who Is SPACE For?

SPACE is effective for children and teens with a range of anxiety issues, including:

• Generalized Anxiety

• Social Anxiety

• Separation Anxiety

• Selective Mutism

  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

It’s also a strong option for families where the child resists therapy or when parents want to take a more active role in supporting their teen’s mental health. 

SPACE has been a game changer in my practice. If you’re a parent of an anxious child, know this: you don’t have to fix your child’s feelings. You can help them face those feelings with strength, compassion, and support. And that can make all the difference.

Interested in Learning More?

You can learn more about SPACE and access helpful resources at https://www.spacetreatment.net, the official website for Dr. Eli Lebowitz’s program. Many therapists, including myself, offer SPACE-based parent coaching—reach out if you’re interested in working together.